


if you open your eyes, you'll realize that even the sea is tilted towards you

by atannatek



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Beach House, Coming of Age, Divorce, Emotional Infidelity, Family Bonding, Implied Kang Younghyun | Young K/Yoon Dowoon, Loneliness, M/M, Minor Park Jaehyung | Jae / Park Sungjin, Park Jaehyung | Jae-centric, Personal Growth, Sirens, mentions of anxiety attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atannatek/pseuds/atannatek
Summary: The boy's dark blue hair is still looking the same shade of blue when Jae sees him in the middle of the water, already swimming by his own, "You're not from here but you're back" the boy says as soon as he sees him. He’s smiling.Jae scoffs, "Yeah, I'm not from here.""I am!" the boy almost interrupts him with how fast he comes with his answer, "I mean, from here."orwhen jae is fifteen and his mom is about to get marrried again, he meets a boy while swimming in the beach. he has dark blue hair and tells jae that he lives in the middle of the water, no matter how weird that is.
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Kudos: 9





	if you open your eyes, you'll realize that even the sea is tilted towards you

**Author's Note:**

> please, please, make sure to read the tags!!
> 
> (also the title is inspired by a part of the song universe by loona, which i may or not have listened in a loop while writing this and it's now my most played song on spotify)

Jae is fifteen when he meets him.

His mom has already been engaged to Jaewoon for three months, and they're visiting the Yoon's family house at the beach during that week to finally celebrate the wedding.

Even though he likes swimming, Jae doesn't love the idea of being near the beach for so many days. The sun easily makes his skin get red and the sand is a whole world he wishes he has never discovered. But his mom is happy, so he doesn't complain. He shouldn’t—Jae hasn’t complained even once during all those months his mom has been dating Jaewoon, and he certainly isn’t going to do it now days before the wedding.

Dowoon, Jaewoon’s son, is happy too. He's twelve and he's excited about his new family, quickly showing Jae every room in the house and making plans of going to the beach with him because Dowoon's been taking surf lessons since last summer and he wants to let Jae see that he's cool despite being younger than him.

Even if he hates going to the beach, Jae accepts Dowoon's invitations because not doing it meant staying at home and watching his mom with Jaewoon talking about the wedding arrangements like they haven’t stopped doing so since they picked up Jae from his dad’s house.

It's weird. Jae feels weird seeing his mom laughing and hugging a person that isn't his own dad.

He is aware that they got divorced in good terms and his dad is even coming to the wedding too, but Jae hasn't gotten used to the idea that his mom suddenly loves someone else. It was all so fast. A month later after the divorce, she was dating Dowoon's father.

At the beginning of their relationship, Jae avoided going to her new apartment the most he could and insisted in her coming to their house instead. Jae lied saying he was busy with things at school or that he was sick and didn't feel like going out, so his mom came all those times. The three of them had dinner like before in those occasions too, with his mom sitting at Jae's right side and his dad at his left.

Jae missed that. He missed watching his mom smiling because of his dad and listening to her singing when they cleaned the dishes together. He misses it so much.

Dowoon's figure is blocking the sun entering at Jae's room when he wakes up. The wall made of crystal at the side of the bedroom pointing towards the beach is so big compared to him, but somehow Dowoon manages to cover the whole sun for Jae.

Jae forgot to close the curtains before going to sleep. Dowoon hadn’t mentioned it either when he went to visit Jae at his room last night.

"Come on, hyung!" Dowoon tells him, "We're gonna be late!"

Jae blinks. The smell of salt is all over the air inside his room even if Jae knows the beach is more than ten minutes of walking away from where they are. Jae feels dizzy. At home, the air is simply air and all the walls of his room are painted in a soft green.

He and his dad and his mom painted it one weekend. Jae isn't even sure why the room ended up being that type of green or who chose the color, but he remembers the laughs that afternoon.

He misses it so much.

He turns from the window to his front, and Dowoon is still smiling at him, the sun completely hidden behind him.

Dowoon wants to lend Jae one of his special clothes for his surf class, but even if he's a bit taller than all the boys from his grade (he was sure to leave that clear for Jae when he explained him everything), Jae is even taller, so he wears a simple pair of white shorts and one of the old shirts that his dad gave him for his birthday instead. The black shirt is too big for him and it covers almost half of his shorts, but he doesn’t try to tuck it. He’d look ridiculous if he does.

His mom is at the kitchen with Dowoon's father when they announce they're leaving. When she sees Jae's shirt, she frowns and tells him how she thought he had thrown that away since it's really old.

Jae shrugs, "I like it. Dad gave it to me."

"I know" she says, and she smiles softly. Jaewoon doesn't react at the change of the tone of her voice. Jae knows it because he's looking at him and he's waiting for something just like he always does from his dad when he mentions his mom in every conversation he can, "but it's old. You have nicer things to wear.”

Jae shrugs again, "This is my favorite one" he glances briefly towards the letters at the shirt that can be barely read with all the times it has been washed. Jae doesn’t recognize the almost vanished name of the band on it, "Dad said he asked you out at that concert, right? When you were sixteen. It has a special meaning for me then. It's historical."

He glances up. Jaewoon is still chopping those vegetables. There's no reaction from him.

His mom's voice gets even softer, "You weren't there, Jaehyung. How would it be special for you?"

Jae cringes at the mention of his whole name. His mom has been calling him like that more often in the last months, "Well, I was born because of that meeting. Pretty much special for me I think."

His mom chuckles, “You think."

"I'm sure" Jae confirms, "That's why I'm wearing it."

"He's too tall" Dowoon interferes with a pout, "My clothes don't fit him, dad. We should buy new things for Jaehyungie hyung!"

Jaewoon does react at that. He looks at Jae and Dowoon from behind his glasses with a kind beam, "if Jae wants to, we can take him to the mall with us someday, Dowoon-ah."

Dowoon pulls from Jae's hand at that, "Yes! You should come with us, hyung!"

During their walk to the beach, Dowoon tells Jae about his and his father’s visits to the mall. He can barely talk and walk at the same time as he carries his surf table and his backpack, but Dowoon explains him with detail about the boys at his class having their moms to take them to buy clothes and how he has his dad instead. He also tells Jae about how he gets an ice-cream cone at the end every visit.

"I'm sure dad will buy you one too!" Dowoon beams up. They're closer to the beach now. The smell of salt is stronger than at Jae's room and the wind is moving the hem of the old shirt too big on his body, "He started doing it because I hated going shopping with him."

Jae perks up at that, "You did?"

"Yes!" Dowoon nods, "Dad would just want us to enter to one store and expected me to know what to look for in like... Five minutes! And when he helped me to try on my clothes, he was always so clumsy and he once pulled my hair!"

The normal pavement is turning into sand under their feet as they continue walking. Jae can already feel it inside his sneakers and surely it must be the same for Dowoon's, but he doesn't look so annoyed about it like Jae is. He must have already gotten used to it.

"I cried when he did that and he asked me what would made me stop crying and I told him I wanted an ice cream" Dowoon hums as they walk past the small hill made of sand that divides the las part of the path of the neighborhood and the beach. He doesn’t accept Jae’s help even on that part, "So he bought me one every time we went shopping after that!"

Jae doesn't want to go shopping with Dowoon and Jaewoon. He doesn't need any more clothes when he already has his dad's old shirts from those concerts that he went with his mom since they were only a couple of years older than Jae.

He nods at Dowoon. Dowoon smiles.

Dowoon's instructor is waiting for them when they arrive to the beach, along with two other kids that look around Dowoon’s age. Dowoon insists in Jae taking his surf lesson with them, but he convinces him of stopping with that when he tells him about seeing him from afar to learn how to surg personally from him. Dowoon is excited at the suggestion. First, his new brother took him to his surf lesson and now he's going to learn something from him.

Dowoon is smiling widely, and Jae smiles back a little softer.

"I'm going in too" Jae points at the water. He isn’t wearing a proper swimsuit, and Jae doesn’t like swimming without a shirt, so he has to handle it with what he has right now, which are an old shirt and his white shorts. He can get rid of his sneakers by just leaving them in the sand with the rest of Dowoon’s belongings, "You can surf, and I can swim. How about that?"

"Don't go too far away" Dowoon's instructor advices Jae while Dowoon is doing his warming up with the rest of the kids that will also take a lesson, "There's a storm coming. We won't be here for so long either."

Jae glances up at the sky. It looks simply blue. He glances down to the man, but also up considering he's taller than him.

He shrugs, "Okay."

“I'm being serious, kid" the instructor scoffs, "I know Jaewoon asked me to also keep an eye on you today, but i need you to help me with that too."

Jaewoon. Dowoon's father asked a complete stranger to take care of him even after he said he thought it was a sweet idea that Jae accompanied Dowoon to his lesson that week.

Jae shrugs again. His hands are pressed in the form of fists, hanging at both sides of his body, "Okay."

The water is simply blue too when Jae gets into it. He's far away from the coast, but he isn't worried because the sky is blue and he can see Dowoon with his instructor a few meters from where he is.

Dowoon waves at him sitting over the surf table. The instructor is frowning. Jae swims.

And that's when he sees him. There's another boy swimming near where he is too. Jae hadn't noticed him before, and the boy is frowning at him, probably just discovering his presence too.

His hair is weird. It looks plainly black but as he tilts his head when he swims around Jae, he sees a flick of blue between the strands. Jae thinks in how his mom would never allow him to dye his hair.

"You're not from here” the boy says, “How do you swim so well?"

Jae frowns back. The way he asked that question is weird too. Perhaps the boy is just weird overall, "I take swimming lessons at school."

“Swimming lessons" the boy repeats, deep in thought. Definitely weird.

“No one ever gave me swimming lessons" he keeps talking. Jae doesn't know how to tell him he wants to be alone, "I just had to learn it by myself. I'm better than you at that anyways."

Jae shrugs. He doesn't care. Why is the boy talking to him?

"Your movements are too clumsy, though" the boys explains even if Jae didn’t ask for it, "It doesn't look like you're exactly dancing, but don't worry, you're still better at that than many other persons I’ve seen here.”

Jae scowls, “I'm not trying to dance. I just swim. No one dances when they swim."

The boy scowls too, "I do! Look at me!"

Jae can listen to Dowoon calling him. He's asking for his attention, just like he’s done since they met for the first time. Jae looks at the unknown boy swimming instead. It's true. It seems like as if he's dancing when he swims. His dark blue hair mixing with the pale blue of the water, his dark blue hair looking like a part of the sky during the night when he goes up.

He gets deepper into the sea, and so does Jae to keep looking at him because he can't understand how someone can swim like that. Not even Jae's teacher at school does.

With the light and the water drops falling everywhere, Jae almost thinks he sees another strange thing on the boy. For a second, he's sure that his legs are too close to the other, and all the blue of the water paints them on blue too.

Jae blinks. The image is gone. Dowoon calls his name again. His lesson is over, and they have to leave. Jae doesn't know how to say goodbye to the boy and he only blurts out that he’s the best swimmer he has ever seen. That’s even more awkward than a normal farewell, but the boy seems pleased by the comment and he’s smiling when Jae turns back to swim towards the shore.

The boy must think Jae is weird too.

Dowoon is angry at him. He doesn't talk to Jae on their way home and when they get to the house, he locks himself in his room without saying anything. Jae's mom asks him what's wrong from where she's sitting at the living room with Jaewoon. They were watching a movie together.

Jae shrugs.

Jaewoon goes to see Dowoon at his room and it's just him and his mom in the living room now. She's frowning at Jae—like the instructor did, like the boy who swims like if he were dancing did too.

"Jaehyung, I know that you don't like them" his mom stars, and Jae grimaces because his using his whole name again, "but..."

"I like Dowoon" Jae interrupts her, "He likes me too. He asked me if I'm going to live with you after the wedding. He got sad when I told him this is only temporal."

His mom sighs, "Then why did he look so upset at you?"

Jae grimaces again because he knows exactly why and how it's all his fault. Dowoon didn't deserve Jae to ignore him; he was so excited about their visit to the beach together and Jae ruined it because he preferred to watch a stranger swim.

He shrugs, "Why am I here, mom?" he asks instead.

His mom frowns—like the instructor did, like the stranger did to. Like Jae is doing now. "The wedding is in a few days and I wanted you to spend some time with us" she tells him. Her voice is soft despite her frown, "Jaewoon wanted for you and Dowoon to get along too. Like a family."

"But I’m not living with you after the wedding. I could have stayed with my dad and just see Dowoon and his father during the wedding to do that bonding you want so bad.”

"Jaehyung" his mom's voice is too soft, as if she doesn't want anyone else to listen to them.

Jae stops frowning. He remembers his mom and his dad painting his room together with him. He remembers his mom smiling at Dowoon's father that morning. He won't complain about it. He can't. Not when his mom is happy, and his dad claims to be the same. He doesn’t have the right to do it.

"I'll tell Dowoon I'm sorry" he says before she can add something else, "Can we get him an ice cream? I heard he likes them when he's sad."

His mom sighs again. Later, when she takes Jae to a convenience store near the beach, they both act as if their conversation didn't happen.

The next day Jaewoon and his mom go to the beach with them. They need to check something about the venue for the wedding, so the wedding planner is with them too. She greets Jae with a smile and makes a comment about him being taller even if they just saw each other a month ago when Jae visited his mom’s apartment.

Jae is wearing shorts. So is Dowoon.

It's cloudy.

"I'm sure the weather would be perfect for Saturday!" The wedding planner, Heejin, ensures them, "The storm will only last some days, and the worst day will be Thursday, so we won’t have to worry about anything."

The sand is inside Jae's sneakers again. This time, he does notice Dowoon grimacing at the sand too.

They ate ice cream together yesterday, but he still refuses to talk to Jae. He told him it was unfair since he knew the ice cream trick. Jae had shrugged at that.

He goes to swim again. His mom tells him to take Dowoon with him.

"I'm okay!" Dowoon perks up at the mention of his name, "I want to see the venue and help with the flowers like you told me!"

Jae shrugs as a response. Dowoon doesn't want to be with him and he doesn't blame him.

Most of the times, even if he likes Dowoon, Jae doesn't want to be with him either. He looks too much like his father, except that without the glasses, and Jae really doesn’t like Jaewoon.

He gives his sneakers to his mom and walks barefoot over the sand until he reaches the water.

The sky is grey. The water looks grey too.

But the boy's dark blue hair is still looking the same shade of blue when Jae sees him in the middle of the water, already swimming by his own, "You're not from here but you're back" the boy says as soon as he sees him. He’s smiling.

Jae scoffs, "Yeah, I'm not from here."

"I am!" the boy almost interrupts him with how fast he comes with his answer, "I mean, from here."

Jae nods. That must explain why he's so good at swimming. Even if Jae took lessons, the sea and a pool are two different things. The boy knows the beach well then.

Jae doesn’t like going to the beach—the sun and the sand bother him too much, but right now, in the water, he can’t feel any sand and the sun is covered by the grey clouds.

The smell of salt doesn’t go away.

"But you live here now, right?" the boy continues speaking. He's looking at Jae directly at the eyes and even if Jae is about to dive into the water, he stops himself from doing so not to interrupt their conversation, "You came yesterday and today."

Jae gulps, "It's something temporal."

"How could it be temporal?" the boy frowns—like Dowoon's instructor did, like his mom did. Like Jae is doing too now, "I've lived here during my whole life. I never leave. People just don't leave their home, do they?"

Jae thinks in his mom and his dad and on the green walls of his room.

"Mom left" he says, and he regrets it almost immediately. Why is he talking to a stranger about it? Jae never complains out loud because his mom is happy with Jaewoon; because his dad is happy too no matter if it’s only Jae and him at their house now. Jae can’t complain about it; he shouldn’t—then why isn't he stopping himself? "She left because of Jaewoon,” he also says.

"Jaewoon?"

"Dowoon's father."

"Dowoon...?"

And Jae explains him everything then. About his mom and his dad getting divorced. About his green room. About Dowoon and all the stories he’s told him about Jaewoon being a model father. About his favorite shirt that he's wearing again today even if he has never heard a single song of that band.

The boy listens. He makes some questions that Jae finds too weird, though he answers them anyway. He seems confused about the term of two people separating after deciding they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, but Jae was like that too before it happened to his parents, so he isn’t annoyed when he describes him everything he read about divorces on Internet when he found out his parents were splitting up.

Jae only knows why he did that once he finishes talking.

The boy doesn't know him at all. He hasn't seen his mom smiling at Jaewoon. He hasn't heard Jae's dad claiming he's happy too. He hasn't been told by Dowoon all those stories about him and his father going shopping together because he didn't grow up with a mom like Jae did—and because of all of that, Jae doesn't feel guilty complaining about how he feels with him. The boy only listens and asks him a little bit weird questions, but he doesn't judge Jae because he’s complaining when everyone around him is happy. He doesn't get upset at him.

His name is Wonpil. He tells Jae that before he has to leave again when his mom calls him from the shore.

Jae goes to the beach alone the next day. It's early in the morning and Dowoon is still sleeping when he asks his mom for permission to leave, wearing another of his dad's shirts and holding his green towel.

“Why don't you wait for Dowoon?" she suggests.

She's standing in front of the door of hers and Jaewoon’s room, still in her pajamas. Jae woke up early that day, knocking at their door even before they could start their day. The smell of salt is stronger there than at Jae's room or at any other part of the house.

Faintly, Jae can listen to the sound of the waves coming from behind his mom.

He shrugs, "I want to be there before it gets too hot. You know the sun makes my skin all funny."

It’s cloudy that day too. Jae knows it. His mom should know it too. Even from the hall, Jae can see the light in the room. The curtains must me open like they were at Jae’s room too because he forgot to close them before going to sleep.

His mom smiles softly. The sound of waves comes again, "I assume you haven't had breakfast yet."

"Is that Jaehyung?" That’s Jaewoon. Now that he spoke out loud, Jae realizes that it had been him all the time, not the sea what he was listening to. It’s impossible to listen to the sea from the house; you can’t even see the shore from there, there’s only the smell of salt.

"He can go swimming if he wants to" Jaewoon appears at the door too. He isn't wearing his glasses so his eyes look smaller, and Jae can see Dowoon's features on him more easily, "I wanted us to go to have breakfast today together. As soon as he doesn't take too long, of course."

His mom turns around briefly to see Jaewoon. She smiles. He smiles too. Jae feels a knot at his stomach.

"So, can I go?" he hawks.

His mom sighs. She does it so softly that Jae can barely catch it, "You have two hours, okay? Be sure to come back on time."

Jae walks particularly slowly towards the beach. He stops every once in a while to shake the sand from his sandals since his sneakers were still wet from when he washed them yesterday because of the same sand. He didn’t bring another pair of sneakers with him and had to borrow those sandals from Jaewoon. They’re too big for him, just like the shirt he’s wearing, not tucked inside his shorts and falling all the way over his tights.

Jae leaves the sandals on the sand. He doesn’t take his shirt out.

Wonpil is already in the water when he gets into it.

"Do you know I can't leave my home even if I would want that?" he tells Jae when he is floating next to him.

Jae shrugs. Wonpil doesn't look older than him and Jae is fifteen. Of course he can't leave his home; not even if his parents must be okay with him dyeing his hair to that tone of dark blue.

"But why would I want that, right?" he continues saying. Jae dives into the water to get his hair wet. When he comes up, Wonpil is looking at him with his bright and too big eyes, and Jae gulps when the thought of Wonpil being pretty crosses quickly his mind, "I like how things are here, don't you?"

Jae glances around, "Here as in the beach?" Wonpil nods. Jae shrugs, "Yeah, it's nice."

It's not. Jae doesn't like the way the sun burns his skin when it’s not cloudy nor the sand getting inside his sneakers. And he, on the top of everything, doesn't like the fact that he has to see his mom with Jaewoon.

He's lying to Wonpil and this time, he knows why he's acting like that. Wonpil knows everything now. Jae doesn't feel with the right of complaining with him anymore; not when he also looks so happy about him not ever leaving home because he seems to like it so much.

"It's lonely, though" Wonpil tilts his head. The blue of his hair becomes so more notorious with the movement. Even if it's cloudy again, the blue among the dark tone is suddenly very obvious for Jae. His mom would definitely never allow him to dye his hair. "That's why I always swim near this part of the beach" Wonpil points at the shore with his chin, “I like talking to people and sometimes it seems they like to talk to me too” he smiles, “Like you.”

Jae looks towards the shore’s direction as a reflex. The beach has been pretty lonely all the days Jae has visited it so far, but it may have something to do with the storm. He nods at that. He hopes Wonpil can’t notice the fact that he’s blushing.

"What about you?" Wonpil squints at him, "Do you also come here because you feel lonely?"

"No, it's the opposite" he confesses too quickly again. Jae grimaces at his own words, "I come here because I want to be alone."

"Because of your mom and Jaewoon and Dowoon?"

"Yeah," Jae admits. He probably shouldn't have said that. Wonpil must think he's an asshole.

Wonpil nods back at him, "It must be really sad."

Jae frowns, "What?"

"To want to be alone. I hate it! It's so boring and it makes me feel sad" Wonpil shrieks, "You must be really sad then."

"I don't..." Jae gulps, "I'm not sad."

Wonpil frowns, "You are!” he swims closer to Jae, and Jae moves away because Wonpil always swims without a shirt and he doesn’t want to be so close to his bare chest. He blushes again at the thought, “You don't like to talk to Dowoon because he's excited of being your brother and you get sad because you actually like him but you don't want him to be your brother because that means that you somehow accept his father" Wonpil says, "You wear your dad's shirts because you're sad and you want everyone to see that. You... You told me that yesterday! That she keeps telling you about them being too old, and how you agree with her, but won't admit it. You're sad because your mom left your home when she shouldn't have because you just don't simply do that, not even if you want to!" Wonpil is talking very quickly, stumbling with his words, "And you come here because you want to be alone and that makes you even sadder! Why can't you admit that? What's wrong in saying you're sad? I feel sad very often too because I'm lonely!"

Jae opens his mouth to say something. Then, he closes it, "I promised my mom I'd be back soon. Sorry, Wonpil."

He swims back to the shore without waiting for an answer. He also walks particularly slow on his way home.

Jae doesn't go to the beach the next day. His mom is busy picking up her wedding dress and other things for the party, so him staying home after going three days in a row to the beach isn't seen as something strange when no one pays him attention.

Dowoon stays at home with him. He refuses to leave his room and ignores Jae when he asks him if he wants to watch a movie with him as there's still ice cream in the fridge.

It's raining outside. The beach must be completely empty that day. Wonpil is probably at his home too.

The lights go off at some point of the night. Jae is in the living room watching a movie and he hears Dowoon's scream at the flick. He runs towards his room and trips on the stairs, but he's soon there knocking at his door.

"Dowoon-ah?" he calls.

It smells like salt at that part of the house too. There aren't any crystal walls at the hall, and even if there were, the light coming from Jae's phone would be the only thing illuminating the darkness. "Dowoon-ah?" he calls again, “Are you okay?”

The door opens then. Jae is able to see Dowoon's red cheeks because of the weak light.

"I'm fine" he tells him, "I... I just don't like storms."

Jae hums, "You're afraid of them?"

Dowoon's red cheeks ting in a stronger red, "It's not that! Don’t be silly!"

Jae shrugs. It's obvious Dowoon is scared but he won't push it. He doesn't feel he has the right to do so after how he ran away from Wonpil's words today. Jae’s a coward.

He sits in the hall's floor, putting his phone in front of him so the light is in between Dowoon and him.

After a moment, Dowoon sits in front of his door, facing him but not meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry for the other day" Jae says then. He’s sure Dowoon won't ignore him this time as he surely won't go back at the darkness of his room. He feels guilty taking advantage of his fear of storms. Jae doesn’t have the right to do something like that.

Dowoon looks even more away from him. Outside, there's a thunder. He cringes at the sound, but he remains quiet.

"You took me to see your lesson" Jae continues, "And I ignored you—"

"You don't like my dad" Dowoon interrupts him. He's still not looking at him, "You don't like me either."

Jae gulps, "Dowoon, i do like you."

"You don't!" Dowoon closes his eyes and his hands are in the shape of fists against the carpet of the floor. Jae can faintly see it; he can faintly see Dowoon’s expression overall but the smell of salt is so strong that he can’t ignore it even if he tries to, "You don't want to be my brother! You... You hate the idea! You hate me!"

"Don't say that. I don't hate you, Dowoon-ah" Jae closes his eyes too. Dowoon's angered expression disappears, but the smell of salt remains there. It never goes away in that house.

"Then why don't you want to be my brother?"

"Because..." he stops. Jae gulps again. _Because I’m sad_ , he was about to say.

Wonpil was right about Jae being sad. He has felt in that same way since his parents sat with him in the dining room at their old house, Jae's mom on his right side and his dad at his left, and they explained him about them getting divorced. He has felt like that for months and he hasn't told anyone about it.

But he can't just blurt out that in front of Dowoon. He can't. He shouldn’t. Not when he thinks in Dowoon talking about his father taking him to buy clothes because he didn't have a mom like Jae to do that; not when he thinks in Dowoon making all those plans for them that week that Jae has ruined since the first day.

He also knows he can't completely lie to Dowoon and pretend everything is fine. Dowoon must have seen it too—that Jae is sad. Wonpil realized that and he's a stranger, while Dowoon has been living with him the past few days.

Jae wonders if everyone can see it.

"I miss my dad" he tells him then. It's not a lie; Jae has been calling him every night before going to sleep, "I didn't want to come with you this week because I knew he wouldn't be here, not because i hate you or something. That's why I'm acting like this."

He opens his eyes when there's no answer. Dowoon is frowning at him—like the instructor did, like his mom did, like Wonpil did. Jae doesn't frown back this time.

"Is that it?"

"What else could it be?" Jae smiles softly, "You're so nice with me and you’re so cool even if you’re younger than me. You know how to surf and everything."

Dowoon smiles at that, "Dad is also nice with you! That means you don't hate him either?"

Jae shrugs, "You're right” he says softly, expecting that Dowoon won’t listen to him, “He's nice with me and with my mom. Why would I hate him then?"

But Dowoon does. He smiles shyly at Jae before asking him if he can hug him.

Jae nods. Dowoon places his head on Jae’s chest and Jae wraps his arms around him. Dowoon’s head is right under his nose, and Jae can catch the smell of salt among the dark tufts of hair.

That night he sleeps at Dowoon's room with him. When their parents arrive, the lights have already come back, and they find the two of them in the same bed, still hugging the other.

Jae wakes up before Dowoon in the morning. He thinks of leaving, but after a second, he decides to go back to sleep even if he's not tired anymore.

Sunlight enters to the house through the crystal wall at Dowoon's room. Like Jae, he must forget to close the curtains at night.

It doesn't rain that day. Jae and Dowoon go to the beach together. The water is too cold from the storm of yesterday, so they don't get into it. Instead, they sit over the sand and talk.

Dowoon tells him about his dad helping him to get ready every morning before school until he was able to do it by himself. He tells him about his dad preparing his lunch boxes and about his dad attending every festival even if Dowoon has never been good at singing or dancing and he was usually placed on the back at every performance.

And then he asks about Jae's dad, and Jae tells him about his green room, and about how he had given him all the shirts from the concerts he went to with his mom because Jae once asked to wear them when he was eight.

"They were my gift when I was around your age, I think" he says, "My dad told me he waited for me to grow up a little so my mom would actually allow me to wear them outside, and he was right" he glances down at the shirt he's wearing, "They're still a bit big for me since he's so tall, but I like them a lot."

"Because they're historical?" Dowoon wrinkles his nose. He's repeating Jae's words from the conversation he had with his mom at the kitchen three days ago.

Jae laughs, "Yeah. They're part of my mom's and dad's history. Mine too."

"Dad doesn't have anything like that for his history with mom" Dowoon mumbles. The short sadness is quickly erased from his factions as he adds, "But he can have them with your mom, right? Their own historical things!"

Jae shrugs. He looks away from Dowoon and to the sea instead.

There's someone swimming in there; even if the water is cold and people is scared of the storm coming back. This time, the dark blue doesn't get mixed with another tone of blue as they sky is still grey and so is the water.

"I guess he can" Jae finally answers.

Dowoon seems excited at the idea, "My dad is gonna have his first historical things! He's gonna be so happy. And your mom too!"

Jae tries to smile, "Yes, Dowoon. Everyone is going to be very happy when they get married."

He doesn't try to acknowledge Wonpil's presence at any moment they spend at the beach. Jae guesses Wonpil should be mad at him for running away that other day. If he weren't, Jae knows Wonpil would have come to talk to him. He was always the one to talk first among the two.

Wonpil doesn't like being alone. And that morning, swimming in the middle of the water while Jae sat on the sand next to Dowoon, he was.

He must definitely be upset at Jae. For some reason, the thought of that bothers Jae.

Jae is the last person to get up from bed that day. It's finally Saturday, and the sunlight is coming through the open curtain at his room, and it smells like salt there, as if jae were swimming forever inside the house.

It's Saturday. His mom is getting married again.

Jae is the last person to get up from bed that day. He stares at the ceiling for a long moment, then grabs his phone and sends his dad a text asking him about the time he would arrive for the ceremony.

His dad answers almost immediately. Jae wonders if he's also lying down on his own bed, unable to get up. They text each other for some minutes. His dad explains him how he'll arrive directly to the ceremony and not earlier, and he reminds him that he’ll be picking him up from the Yoon’s house on Sunday’s morning.

Jae is forced to leave his room when Dowoon knocks at his door, letting himself in as soon as Jae simply grunts in response, pretending to just have woken up.

"Hyung!" Dowoon shrieks. He's covering the sun entering at Jae's room again, "We have lots of things to do! Get up!"

Heejin was right—the weather is nice that Saturday. Blue sky and soft wind. It's almost as if there wasn’t a storm two days before; almost as if that night talking in the darkness with Dowoon never happened.

Dowoon calls Jae’s name. He asks for him to help him with his shirt. He can’t button up his sleeves correctly and he’s asking Jae to do so.

No, that night definitely happened. Dowoon is talking to him again. He doesn't mention over and over the fact that they're finally becoming brothers that afternoon, but Jae can see it in his face. The glow. The excitement.

If Jae squints at the sky, he can see the grey clouds somewhere.

The venue is near the Yoon's house, where the beach almost stops looking as one as there're big groups rocks in some parts instead of sand. While the ceremony is being held in the beach, the reception is going to be inside a salon with crystal walls, away from the sand and the rocks.

Jae isn't wearing shorts despite standing on the beach. Neither is Dowoon. They're both in formal white shirts with black slacks and a black bow tie. Somehow, the sand still manages to get into his shoes.

His dad tells Jae he doesn't look like himself when they see each other at the beach. Jae scoffs, showing him how he's wearing one of his shirts under the formal one. His dad laughs at that, asking him if his mom knows about it.

Jae shrugs. His dad laughs again.

"She thinks they're old," Jae says.

"They are" his dad agrees. He laughs a third time, "God, they're so old, Jaehyung. That one is from when we were eighteen. Why are you still wearing them?"

Jae grimaces. Since when does his dad call him by his whole name?

"Because you gave them to me” he huffs, “They’re historical."

"Historical, uh?" his dad is still laughing.

"Yes!" The rest of the guests are arriving, and Jae makes sure his voice is as soft as his mom's so only his dad can listen to him, "They're part of yours and mom history."

His dad smiles, "Okay, then you're historical too?"

Slowly, Jae shakes his head, "That doesn't make any sense. The shirts are historical for me too. They're part of my history with you."

 _That's why I always wear them_ , he thinks only for himself. _Because you aren't together anymore but I miss having the two of you._

His dad frowns at him—like his mom, the instructor, Dowoon and Wonpil did. Jae frowns back too. "Mhm, in that case, if you're looking for something historical, then we better say that you're the best thing to represent your mom and I" his dad says, “You're much better than those old shirts" his dad isn't frowning anymore, but Jae is, "Handsome too, like me, right?"

"Dad" Jae whines, "Please don't."

His dad laughs. This time, Jae stops frowning and laughs with him.

Later, as Jae is standing in the first row during the ceremony, with Dowoon next to him, he thinks on his dad calling him the best representation of his and his mom's story.

Jae's dad might be sitting at the last row, but Jae is in the first. Everyone can see it. Everyone knows about him.

But there are no reactions at that. Everyone knows everything—about Jae being the son of another man. About his dad being there too. Everyone knows _everything_ , but there are no reactions at all.

They can't see that Jae is wearing his dad's shirt under the formal one either.

But Jae knows it's there. Everyone knows he's there. When his mom kisses Jaewoon at the end of the ceremony, Jae looks away and glances to the sea on their side. He's sure he can see someone with dark blue hair swimming in the middle of the blue water.

Jae has to sit in the same table than his mom, Dowoon and Jaewoon during the reception, in the main part of the venue. But as soon as the dinner is over and people start dancing, he's able to sneak from his seat there and goes to his dad's table instead.

His dad is in the back of the room again; on the furthest table from where Jae was. Jae doesn't like that. He knows the seats arrangement was something his mom and Jaewoon decided. He heard them talk about that with Heejin before.

There are only two other people when Jae arrives at the table—a couple, judging by how they have their hands tangled together. Jae doesn't know them, but they do know him and congratulate him about his mom getting married. Jae shrugs at them, only muttering a ' _thanks_ ' when his dad gives him a look.

"Why aren't you dancing, uh?" his dad nudges him. He isn't wearing his suit jacket anymore, and his tie is a bit loosen around his neck. Jae squints at him and then towards all the empty glasses over the table. There’s only one that still has something left.

He recognizes the drinks. His mom had given him a similar look like the one his dad did before when Jae tried to get one from the waiters. Jae doesn't even like alcohol. He has only had it once with his dad before and he hated it, but he thought he could have one drink today. People drink all the times in movies when they are sad.

"You know I don't dance" he mumbles back. It's clear that his dad isn't drunk considering he made him thanked those strangers a moment ago, but he is enough tipsy to tell him he can teach him a few dance steeps if he wants. Jae blushes, flustered, "You don't dance either!"

His dad laughs. Why is he laughing so much today?, "There's always a first time for everything, Jaehyung."

Jae cringes, "Dad, why are you calling me Jaehyung? You never do that. Mom sometimes does it, and Jaewoon... He does it too, but not you."

His dad stops laughing. He takes the only glass from the table that still has something on it and finishes it in a shot, "I'm sorry, kid. I've talked too much with Jaewoon and your mom these days and I think I just copied it from them. Guessed you preferred to go by Jaehyung now."

Jae frowns, "I've only been away for five days."

"I know," his dad sighs.

"I still like to be called Jae."

Another sigh, "I know."

Jae sinks in his chair, "Don't call me Jaehyung, please. You're not Jaewoon."

His dad laughs. He goes for his glass again, but this time, they are all empty. He shrugs when Jae raises a brow at him, "No" he says, "I'm not Jaewoon."

They both glance to the front of the room. Jae's mom is dancing with Jaewoon. Smiling at him. Jae looks away first.

His dad is still looking at them. Jae stares only at him instead, and because he's waiting for a reaction is that he sees the way his lips slightly purse into a grimace. It happens so fast—one second is there and the next one is gone. But Jae saw it.

It's the first time that his dad doesn't look as happy as he has claimed to be about his mom and Jaewoon. Maybe it's because he's tipsy that he's being careless about it; maybe it's because they're at the wedding; maybe it's because of both.

And Jae hates to do it, but after realizing that he has been sad all these months and how he must be so obvious about it, he wants to talk to someone. And it has to be his dad right now, he knows. Because he's sad too and Jae doesn't like that.

He doesn't stop looking at his dad when he says it: "I don't like Jaewoon" his dad stays still for a second. Then, he's glancing at Jae. And frowning—like the instructor, his mom, Dowoon, and Wonpil did. "I don't like seeing him with mom" Jae adds before he can speak. His voice is soft enough so the couple in the table don't listen to him, "I don't like him being with mom. I hate that. I miss when it was only the three of us and when mom only smiled with us. Now she's always smiling with Jaewoon and—"

"Jaehyung," his dad cuts him.

Jae's sight falls at his own lap where he has both of his hands.

"It's the truth" he mumbles, "I didn't want to go with them this week. I hate the beach, and I hate that Jaewoon..." he presses his hands towards his legs, "I didn't say anything before, but it's the truth."

His father nods. It takes him a moment before answering, "We knew it. Your mom and I. We could see it."

This time is Jae who says it: "I know."

"Jaewoon too."

Jae looks at the dancefloor. His mom and Jaewoon are still dancing together.

He shrugs, "I know."

"Why didn't you try talking about that with me before?" he continues saying because he knows he has to have this conversation as Jae discovers in that moment that he doesn't only feel sad but also suddenly angry at them, "You... You never talked about anything with me!"

The couple glances at them. Jae's dad forces a smile that ensures them everything is fine. The man nods briefly at him before glancing away.

Jae scowls at that, "You only told me one day that you were getting divorced, and that mom was moving out from our house. You never explained why!" Jae rises his voice again. The couple mumbles an excuse about going to dance before leaving the table. Jae ignores them even if his dad mutters something for them. Jae scowls again, "And then a month later mom introduced me to Jaewoon and said they were dating, but you still didn't tell me anything! I don't know what went wrong with you two! The only thing you ever asked me about the topic was if I wanted to stay with you or with mom!"

His dad sighs. He seems tired and part of Jae regrets of saying everything of that now that the words finally left his mouth. He gulps. Everyone could see before that he was sad, and he can now see that his dad is sad too. It feels wrong.

"Jae" his dad starts after some seconds. Jae gulps again, "You're right. we should have talked to you about this, but you have to understand too that some things are only between your mom and me."

Jae frowns—like Dowoon's instructor, like Wonpil, like Dowoon, like his parents did.

"You said that I'm the best thing to represent yours and mom’s story" Jae shakes his head, "I'm part of your story too. You're my parents. Don't I deserve to know something at least?" his dad opens his mouth. He doesn't say anything, "Mom only left" Jae grunts, "And you never said anything of what you thought about her and Jaewoon."

"I'm happy for them" his dad mumbles.

Jae gives him a look, "Dad."

"I try to be happy for them" his dad corrects himself, "Because your mom is happy."

Jae sinks in his chair a second time, “That's sad, dad."

His dad chuckles dryly, "It is."

"I feel sad because of her and Jaewoon" Jae repeats even if he already left that clear.

His dad pulls his tie until it's undone, "I'm sad because of them too."

It's silent between them for a second.

"It's okay if we do, though" his dad speaks a moment later, "There's nothing wrong with that just as there's nothing wrong with your mom being happy with someone she loves."

Jae sighs—like his dad did, like his mom did too, "He left us because of him, dad."

His dad frowns, "What do you mean with that? He left me because of Jaewoon. He's still your mother. She won't ever stop being so" he takes a deep breath, "Jae. you're our son, and we love you, and you're definitely the most important part of our story, but you need to understand that your mom and I are still persons. We are like you too and there are some things we keep for ourselves. You must respect that. What happened between your mom and me that went wrong..."

"You're not telling me anything again" Jae completes, "Why?" he stands up from the chair. His voice is loud enough for some of the guests to pay attention to them. Jae ignores them, "Did mom or you do something bad and you don't want me to know? Is that it? Did mom...?" he closes his eyes, "Did mom cheat on you with Jaewoon? Is that why everything happened so fast?" his voice is louder. The music stops. Jae still has his eyes closed and he doesn't want to open them, "That’s why she and Jaewoon got engaged so quickly? Because she was already dating him while being with you?"

Someone puts their hand over Jae's shoulder. He stays still. When he opens his eyes he sees his mom staring at him. She looks beautiful in her wedding dress and there's confusion in her factions, "What are you talking about, Jaehyung?" the music stopped a while ago. It smells like salt.

Jae can see Jaewoon and Dowoon behind his mom. They're looking at him too, just like the rest of the guests. They know everything. Everyone knows everything but Jae.

"Jaehyung?" his mom repeats. She tries to touch his face, but Jae moves away.

No, there's someone who doesn't know everything. Someone who doesn't know yet about all the ugly words he just told his dad; about how he just ruined his mom's wedding.

Jae runs from there. He hears his parents calling for him, but he just runs until he's outside.

He stumbles while taking his shoes and his socks and the silly bow tie, but he doesn't stop running until he can no longer hear his name being called. He drops everything over the sand and Jae runs towards the beach.

That part of the beach isn't the same where Jae has seen Wonpil before even if it's near the Yoon's house. Jae never went that close to the rocks because he knows the water is deeper there and his mom would never allow him to swim in that part of the beach, but he saw Wonpil there. Jae's sure of that.

He only stops running once he reaches the rocks and sits over them. His feet and his legs get wet as they fall into the cold water, but Jae doesn't jump towards the sea. He knows it's dangerous and even if Wonpil told him he's a good swimmer, Jae won't risk it.

And then he sees him. First, it's only a blue dark dot moving over the water the equally dark blue water and soon Wonpil is right in front of him, only his head coming out of the water.

"You're crying" is the first thing Wonpil tells him.

Jae shrugs. He hadn't noticed it.

"Are you going to leave again when I start telling you things you don't want to admit?" Wonpil asks, his big eyes looking at Jae with something he doesn't understand.

Jae shakes his head, "I came here willingly, didn't I?"

"Because you want to be alone" Wonpil reasons.

Jae shakes his head again, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

He’s crying, so he doesn't know if he imagines Wonpil blushing, "I wanted to talk to you too!" Wonpil blurts out.

Jae leans down a little so he's closer to Wonpil's face. He's blushing and there are freckles all over his nose and cheeks that Jae didn't notice before, "Yeah?" he asks. He thought Wonpil was upset at him for leaving the other day, just like Dowoon got all upset at him too.

His mom and dad must be upset at him right now. And Jaewoon and even Dowoon again. Jae is upset at himself.

"But you didn't come back!" Wonpil whines, "I waited for you, but you didn't return the next day and when you did, you didn't get into the water with me."

It isn’t like that. Wonpil isn’t upset at him at all.

Jae frowns, "You came here the day of the storm?"

"I'm always here" Wonpil rolls his eyes at him, "I told you this is my home."

Jae is confused at that, but he thinks on Wonpil's dark blue hair and in him swimming in the deep part of the beach all by his own. He wonders if his parents know he does that. Of course they must know about the hair thing, but do they know that Wonpil spends most of his time swimming so far from the shore even on rainy days and so late at night like in that moment?

"I felt lonely those two days" Wonpil pouts and Jae stops thinking on him to see him at the eyes, "You can't just come here and make me feel nice for three days and then disappear! It's not fair after I told you I hated being lonely!"

 _It's not fair_ —Dowoon had told him a similar thing. Jae pushes the memory at the back of his mind to focus on Wonpil. It's easier in that way.

"I hate being lonely too" he admits, "It sucks."

Wonpil looks at him in confusion, "You didn't say that before."

"I didn't" he nods. He leans back this time, putting his hands over the stone and glancing up to the sky. It's dark blue, like Wonpil's hair, "But it's the truth. I don't like being lonely but it's the only way I feel less sad, I guess."

"Because of Dowoon and Jaewoon and your parents?"

He nods a second time, "Yeah, because of them. I don't have to see or think on them when I'm alone."

"You're not alone right now" Wonpil points out, "You're with me."

Jae stops looking at the sky. Wonpil's hair is slightly bluer than the color above their heads; more like the ocean during the day, "I came here looking for you because I thought talking with you could help me like the other time."

"I helped you?" Wonpil frowns, like everyone around Jae seems to be doing, but he looks somewhat happy.

"It was the first time I talked to someone about how I felt" Jae explains him. He smiles softly at him—a smile only for Wonpil, "You're a great listener. You didn't judge me."

"I didn't!" Wonpil agrees.

"Because you didn't know anything about me."

"No" Wonpil frowns again, "I could feel you were sad. That's something."

Jae chuckles at the weird choice of words, "Yeah, I didn't know I was sad until you told me."

Wonpil puts his elbows over the rocks and his cheeks over his open palms. He's shirtless. He's been shirtless every time Jae has seen him, and Jae can already see his naked shoulders and his collarbones.

"I think you knew it" Wonpil says, slowly, perhaps scared of what Jae said about being judged, "You just hadn't admitted it to yourself."

Jae looks at him, "Well, I did now. A few minutes ago, to be more exact. In front of everyone during my mom's wedding."

Wonpil tilts his head; his hair looking bluer at the gesture, "You told everyone you felt sad because of your parents and Jaewoon?"

"No" Jae chuckles at the idea. Wonpil is weird, "I... I made a scene" he explains, "I told some things I probably shouldn't have told to my dad and everyone listened to them. Including my mom, Jaewoon and Dowoon. I came here because of that. I couldn't stand being there when everyone knows everything, but they never do anything."

Wonpil throws him a half-offended look, "Are you saying that I don't know anything and that I do everything?"

Jae nods. Then, he shakes his head, "No, it's not like that. You may know me, but you don't know my parents or Jaewoon or Dowoon. That's why is different."

Wonpil blushes once more, "You're saying I make you feel nice?"

Jae shakes his head. Then, he nods, "I guess so."

"Good, because you make me feel nice too” Wonpil admits, his cheeks colored in pink, “You're the first one of all the people I met here that came back and talked to me again. The rest just made me feel lonely when they didn't return, and I hate being lonely."

Jae smiles softly, "Yeah, I hate that too."

Wonpil leans more towards the rock. Jae moves too until he's sitting normally again, his legs out of the water, and facing Wonpil, "Do you feel lonely right now, Jae?"

He's not using any honorifics. It's weird and it makes Jae feel off, but he won't point that out.

Jae leans closer too. Wonpil's freckles are somehow more notorious now that the water on his face is almost completely gone, "I don't. Do you, Wonpil?"

Wonpil shakes his head, "I don't."

He feels a bit better now. Calmer. Talking with Wonpil worked.

While Wonpil tells him about how easy it was for him to swim even during the storm because he's a great swimmer, Jae thinks that he's ready to return to the party.

He can't run away from his parents forever. He isn't like them, his dad was right. He can be a coward, but he was brave enough to admit he was sad and angry and now he's going to be brave enough to go back after the disaster he caused even if he's embarrassed.

But when Jae starts to stand up, Wonpil pulls him by the wrist, "Wait! Don't leave me!" Jae blushes for the sudden proximity.

He could count Wonpil's freckles one by one if he wanted to, but he looks away from Wonpil's pretty face, "My parents must be worried."

Wonpil doesn't let his wrist go, "But do you really have to go back? To that place where everyone knows everything, but no one ever does anything? That sounds like an awful place to live!"

Jae grimaces, "You just can't leave your home or something like that."

"Your mom left without a warning one day" Wonpil reminds him, "People like you can leave their home whenever you want, not like me."

Jae shakes his hand until Wonpil stops holding his wrist, "People like us? What the hell do you mean with that?"

Wonpil frowns, "You're a human, right? You're not from here.”

Jae is confused. He knew Wonpil was weird, but this is something different and is making him feel uncomfortable, "Yeah, I’m a human. Like you too, Wonpil."

Wonpil is still frowning, "I'm not a human."

Jae scowls, "This is not funny, Wonpil."

"I'm not trying to be funny!" Wonpil whines, "I'm asking you to come and live here with me, so we won't feel lonely ever again!"

Jae raises a brown. This conversation has become ridiculous, "Your parents would let you sneak a complete stranger inside your home in the middle of the night? Really?"

"You're not a stranger!" Wonpil gets even closer. More of his body is out of the water with the movement. Jae can see his whole bare chest and some drops of water fall over him. He looks away, blushing. "And you've been on my home before!" Wonpil says, "We met there, remember?"

"No?" Jae frowns back, "We met here at the beach."

"In the water" Wonpil corrects him, "At my home."

Jae stays quiet. He doesn't know what to say. Wonpil is being too weird now, and suddenly Jae doesn't want to leave him alone swimming in the middle of the night. Maybe there's something wrong with him and something bad could happen to him. Jae bites his lip. It's late and Wonpil is swimming in a very deep part of the sea, Jae won't leave him by his own there.

"What if you come with me instead?" he suggests, "I already did a mess at the party, no one will care if I bring a friend with me. I can lend you some of my clothes I have at home too and then, uh" Jae puts a hand over his nape, "If you tell me where you live, we can walk there together. Or if it's too far away my dad can take us."

 _If he's not mad at me_ , he keeps the thought for himself. _I need to apologize first and then I can ask him to get Wonpil home_.

Wonpil shakes his head. More drops of water fall over Jae. Saltwater. The smell of salt is always stronger at the beach and now it's all over Jae too.

"I told you I can't leave my home!" Wonpil shrieks, "I would die!"

Jae sighs—like his mom and his dad did. He wants to help Wonpil, but he doesn't know how. Wonpil's only talking nonsense.

"That's why I'm asking you to come and live here with me instead!" Wonpil gets even closer to him. Jae falls back over the rocks at the sudden movement, but he manages to put his hands at the rocks before falling backwards. He can see Wonpil's hip now out of the water, "Because we both hate being lonely and make the other feel nice!" Wonpil is too close. Jae's attention is over his face and Wonpil's freckles, so even if he faintly listens to Wonpil moving more out of the water, he doesn't glance to see what he's starting to think is pure skin.

Jae tries to shake his head but he can't. If he does so, he'll end up looking down at Wonpil and he doesn't want to do that, "We do" he agrees, "but what if we talk about this with more calm? Maybe at the party...?"

"No!" Wonpil whines, "I can't leave my home, Jae!"

Another movement from Wonpil. Jae feels something fall over his legs. That must be Wonpil's legs. Jae tries to ignore the weight of them while convincing Wonpil to come with him, but they’re too heavy and he has to squirm away from under Wonpil to take a proper breath.

And he sees it then.

He sees that Wonpil is looking at him with pleading eyes. He sees Wonpil's bare chest and his hips. And he sees a blue tail instead of two legs.

Jae screams.

"What?" Wonpil is furrowing his eyebrows. He tries to get closer to Jae, but he moves away from him, "Is there something wrong?"

He's not human. Wonpil wasn't lying. sSowly, the rest of the information sinks down for jae. He shakes his head.

Wonpil then glances down to where Jae is looking at, "Oh" he blushes and soon his body is back at the water, "I'm sorry! I should have warned you before showing my tail for you. I know it's rude for humans to just show their bodies to the others. I've heard about it."

Jae nods. He doesn't say anything because he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to think. Wonpil isn't human and he just invited him to live in the sea with him when Jae isn't... He isn't whatever Wonpil is, which means he wouldn't be able to survive in the water. He wouldn’t know how to return home when that’s exactly what he wants right now.

"So" Wonpil smiles at him, "do you accept?"

Jae gulps. He isn’t sure about how he manages to speak or why he isn't running away from Wonpil just like he did from his parents, "What?"

"To come and live with me!" Wonpil beams up, "The two of us together forever!”

Jae gulps a second time. He knows the answer to Wonpil's question; it's easy, but for some reason it's not easy to say it even if he's scared. Not when Wonpil is looking at him with bright eyes and Jae remembers their conversations together and how he felt after them.

"I need to talk to my parents first" he lies, "I can't just leave after everything I did."

Wonpil purses his lips, "But I thought you didn't like being at that place with them?"

"I... It's not that I don't like the place or them" Jae admits, "I just don't like how things are happening. That's why I need to talk to them. I already told my dad how I feel and he told me how he feels too, but I haven't talked to my mom. I need to do that first."

He stands up. Wonpil gaze is over him, "And then you'll come here with me?"

Jae doesn't shrug. He doesn't nod or shake his head either. He just looks at Wonpil instead; Wonpil and his dark blue hair and his freckles.

"I will" he lies in a soft voice, wishing that Wonpil can’t listen to him because what he's doing feels wrong.

Wonpil smiles, "Fine! Then I'll wait for you right here."

"Yeah" Jae doesn't return the smile, "I'll come back soon."

He turns around. He can see his shoes where he left them in the sand at the beginning of the path.

"Jae!" Wonpil calls him when he starts walking. Jae closes his eyes. He doesn't move for a second until he takes a deep breath to glance at Wonpil. He's still smiling, "I will teach you how to properly swim. We can start your lessons tomorrow!"

Jae doesn't shrug or nod or shakes his head. He doesn't say anything at all. Wonpil doesn't stop smiling.

Even if Jae turns around quickly, Wonpil's smile doesn't disappear completely for him, just like the smell of salt seems to be stick on him now.

His mom and his dad are waiting for him when Jae arrives at the venue, with his shoes in his hands and the bow tie hanging around his neck. Jae is glad that neither Jaewoon or Dowoon are near because he's crying as soon as he sees them.

They both pull him in a hug. That hasn't happened in months; Jae realizes as he cries in his mom's chest and his dad caresses his hair. His mom and dad are hugging him and that hasn't happened in months and Jae missed it. He misses them. He misses being happy because of them.

"I'm sorry" he mumbles in the middle of his sobbing. His tears taste like the salt of the sea Jae swallowed so many times while swimming that week, "I'm so sorry for everything I said. I'm sorry for ruining your party, mom. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, Jae" his mom tells him. She's crying too.

Jae presses himself closer to her chest, "It's not okay. I ruined everything."

“It wasn't just you" his dad says, "I should've handled that conversation a lot better."

Jae is about to shrug but he realizes he can't because his parents are hugging him.

His mom moves a step back to see him at the face. Jae grimaces when she sees the tears on her cheeks, "Seoyun explained me what you two talked about, Jae, and I think we should be the ones apologizing for forcing you to do things we knew you weren't happy about."

Jae wipes the tears from his own cheeks. They taste like salt. He thinks on Wonpil waiting for him at the rocks and the same taste of salt coming from the water. Jae wipes his tears again when he realizes he has started crying once more. He can't think on Wonpil right now. He shouldn’t.

"It's not that, mom" Jae says firmly, not in a soft voice because he wants them to listen to him, "Yes, I wasn't happy about coming with you and Jaewoon, but it's not that."

"Then what?" his mom asks him, clearly confused, “I know you don't like Jaewoon. Your father told me that you said it makes you sad to see me with him..."

"It does" Jae nods, "but it's not that. What I really hate is that we never talked about anything of that. Or well, you did, but not with me."

"Jae" his dad looks at him. He's crying too. Jae has never seen him crying before, "I already said this. There are some things that your mom and I have the right to keep for ourselves and you..."

"I understand that!" Jae interrupts him too, "Everyone has the right to have secrets" Jae thinks on Wonpil again; on Wonpil and on his freckles and his dark blue hair and his blue tail. He gulps. He doubts he'll ever tell someone about him, "I really get it, but whatever happened shouldn't be a secret between you two. I'm part of your story, right? I'm your son and I lived fifteen years seeing you two loving the other and then one day you just told me you were getting divorced and you never mentioned why" he glances at his mom and her ruined make-up, "And mom... You showed one day with Jaewoon and told me you loved him now. Only a month later and I... I get that it's your life and that you have your secrets and that you're persons, but so am I."

"You wanted us to discuss every step of our divorce with you?" his mom questions him.

"No" Jae frowns like everyone does around him, "I just wanted to have a proper explanation before you completely changed my life!" his parents don't say anything for a moment, "I deserve it!" Jae claims, "I deserve to know why!"

"You do" his mom is the first one who speaks. She's crying again and she hugs him, "I'm sorry, jae. You're right, you do. We thought" Jae feels her voice getting softer even if she's talking against his hair, "We thought things would be easier for you if we left you out of it, but we were so wrong.”

"You know our story" his dad says this time, "Your mom and I met when we went to school together. I asked her out on a concert. We got married. We went to all those concerts together later. We had you."

Jae knows that. He nods, "You loved each other so much."

His mom kisses his temple, "We were too young, Jae. Yes, we loved the other, but we didn't give each other the time to actually know ourselves before getting married. We thought we were ready because we loved the other and because there hadn’t been someone else in our lives in that way before, but we were wrong."

"And then the problems began, but we already had you" his dad adds, "We did our best to make it work because we had to make it work not only for us but for you too. And besides, we didn't know anything about being alone anymore. We had been together for so long that we weren't sure we could work by our own too, so we were scared too."

"But then I met Jaewoon and I fell in love all over again" Jae gulps at the mention of the name and his mom must notice it since she stops hugging him so he can see him at the face.

Jae wrinkles his nose, "So it’s true? You cheated on dad?"

Slowly, his mom nods, "It's not the type of cheating you have in mind since nothing ever happened between us before the divorce, but I did."

"Eunjoo..." his dad mumbles. He looks tired.

"It's the truth” his mom says in a harsh voice, “Even if anything happened between the two, I did wrong feeling in that way about him when I was still married to you.”

"But you told me about Jaewoon later and we talked about it" his dad shakes his head, "I understood it and we decided that the best thing for us was to finally get a divorce because we weren't making the other happy anymore no matter how much we tried. And your mom had Jaewoon now."

His mom smiles at his dad, and then she does the same to Jae, "We didn't want you to know about how we lied to you all those years, and that's why we never talked to you about it. You were happy, Jae, and that's all that mattered for us."

Jae frowns, "And that's it?"

His dad frowns too, "What else were you expecting?"

"You could've told me everything of this!" Jae says, "I wouldn't have gotten mad or upset at you for not loving the other anymore!"

His mom caresses his hair, “Wouldn't you have felt guilty because you were the main reason we didn't finish this earlier?"

Jae falls quiet. It's true. He felt guilty too about ruining his mom's wedding and talking about his feelings with his dad. Of course he would have felt guilty for that.

"But you said you were scared too! I would've understood that part!" Jae rambles, "And if you don't love each other anymore why is dad sad about you and Jaewoon? Why didn't we talk about that too?"

"You didn't told us about you feeling sad either" his mom reminds him, "Even if we all could see it."

Jae falls quiet again. He feels abruptly embarrassed. He wasn't open about his feelings either. None of the three were.

"I thought I didn't have the right to feel like that because you were happy" he admits, "I felt guilty at the end even if you tried your best to avoid it."

His mom hugs him again. They both cry. At some point, his dad hugs them too.

Jae's tears taste like the salt of the sea even if he's not swimming on it.

“I didn't know that" his mom sobs, "I imagined you simply disliked Jaewoon, but not that you... Oh, Jae. I'm so sorry."

They stay like that for a moment. It's the three of them again and Jae thinks on his green room and dinners together; he thinks on his mom smiling only towards his dad and him. But it smells like salt even in his memories—the same smell of salt that Jae seems to not be able to get rid of. It's on his room at the Yoon's house, on him during all those times he swam at the beach, on him with all the water drops Wonpil threw over him that night, on him and on his mom and on his dad.

"Mom?" Jae mumbles in the middle of their hug, "Don't cry. You told Heejin-ssi you wanted the perfect pictures for today."

Her mom chuckles, "I can fix my make-up later, right now I want to hug my son and tell him how much I love him.”

Jae chuckles too, "It's okay, mom. You'll have me forever, but tonight it's your wedding."

"He's right" his dad agrees, "You should be having fun, not crying with us."

His mom smiles at him. His dad smiles at her. Jae smiles too.

Dowoon runs towards Jae when he enters to the venue with his dad and his mom by his sides. He looks at the three of them with a frown, "You were crying" he says, and he sounds worried. Jaewoon is right behind him with a similar expression, "Why were you crying? Are you okay?"

Jae is about to shrug, but he nods instead, "Yes, Dowoon. We are okay."

Jae leaves the Yoon's house the next morning. His dad is there to pick him up like it was settled many days ago and Jae sees him talking to Jaewoon and his mom in the living room when he walks to them with his backpacks ready. He seems sad even if he's smiling at them.

Perhaps, after what happened yesterday, it'll take a time for Jae to think something different except from the fact that his dad is as sad as him because his mom left.

His mom kisses Jae on the forehead before he gets into the car, and Dowoon pouts when he asks Jae to go to the beach for one last time with him.

"We can go swimming together!" Dowoon tries, "The weather is nice.... Look!” he points over their heads, “The sky is so blue, hyung! It’s the perfect weather!”

His dad laughs at Dowoon's enthusiasm, "You can go with him for a while if you want to, Jae. I wouldn't mind walking around with you two. I haven’t been at the beach in so long.”

Jae glances at the blue sky and thinks on Wonpil and on his freckles and on his dark blue hair and his blue tail; he thinks on him asking Wonpil to wait for him; he thinks on Wonpil telling him about how lonely he felt and pleading him to go and live with him at the sea.

He can't see the beach from where they are, but he hopes Wonpil isn't swimming near the rocks. He hopes he's at the beach and that someone else is talking to him like Jae did days ago so he doesn't feel lonely because no one deserves to be alone.

Jae shakes his head, "It's okay, dad. I'm too tired to go swimming anyways."

Jae only makes the question once he and his dad are on the car and the salt smell from the beach don't reach them anymore, "Dad" he says, "if you don't love mom then why are you so sad about her and Jaewoon?"

His dad sighs—like his mom did, like Jae did too.

"We told you yesterday that we were scared too" he explains in a soft voice, "We had you as our main reason to remain together, but we were also scared even if we weren't particularly vocal about it. When your mom met Jaewoon, that meant she wasn't going to me alone if we weren’t together anymore, but it didn’t mean the same for me because I am” he takes a deep breath, “I hate being alone, Jae" his dad admits and Jae tries not to grimace because he is thinking on someone he shouldn't be thinking on, "All these years there has been your mom for me and then you... I haven't been alone in so long."

"But I'm still here with you" says Jae, "I'm not going anywhere.”

His dad laughs shortly, "No, not yet. But you'll someday leave by your own and then I'll wake up alone in that house. These five days were a proof of that and I hated it. I tried to get distracted with things from work, but I still had enough time to feel alone."

Jae wants to tell him that him leaving soon is not the truth; that even if he leaves to live somewhere else when he grows up, he will not ever forget about him, but he remains quiet. He knows what his dad means with that. Jae felt the same loneliness when one day his mom wasn't there with them sitting at his right in the table and signing while they cleaned the dishes together.

"On the other hand, your mom has Jaewoon now" his dad mumbles, "I'm not saying it's easier for her since the thing with Jaewoon wasn't never easy and she was too hard on herself with that, but she isn't alone like me. That's why I'm sad. We got married thinking it was the two of us in this world, and now it's her and Jaewoon, and I'm alone” he furrows his lips in a line, “You can say it makes me sad that she's happier than me right now because I got used to the idea that we could only be happy together."

"But that means you can be happy too!" Jae exclaims, desperate to make his dad feel better, "If she's happy even if you aren't together, you can be happy too!"

His dad chuckles, "You're right. Maybe I won't be alone forever."

The smell of salt is suddenly back for Jae. Inside the car, over his clothes, in the tears he still has inside him... And he thinks on Wonpil. Wonpil waiting for him; Wonpil swimming with someone else; Wonpil being lonely; Wonpil being happy.

"No one can be alone forever, can they?" he asks in a mumble, "There's always someone there for us."

Like Wonpil was for Jae during those days to make him see how sad he was; to listen to him. Wonpil can't be alone forever then. He shouldn't.

His dad sighs before answering, "I'd like to think that, Jae. It sounds hopeful."

Jae nods. He wants to think that too.

Jae doesn't go back to the beach near the Yoon's house again, not even when Dowoon tells him about a pretty boy with dark blue hair that he saw swimming during his surf class.

Jae asks him to call him if he ever sees him again, and Dowoon does exactly that.

Dowoon doesn't have a cellphone, so he sometimes calls Jae from his mom's phone to talk to him about Wonpil. His mom is happy that they call the other once every week, and Jae is happy of having the chance of talking to Dowoon that often asides the motives of their calls.

Even if Jae tells her about many other things now since they started going with a counselor, he never mentions Wonpil for her.

Dowoon rambles a lot about how much he likes how Wonpil swims during their phone calls, but Jae barely listens to what he says, asking him instead about if Wonpil was with someone that day or not.

The first times the answer is the same one: Wonpil is alone.

Dowoon tells him about how he can't go and talk to him personally because he's always swimming too deep into the water and his instructor doesn't allows him to go there. He tells Jae that maybe he could go there with him since he also used to swim in that part of the beach—that they could be friends considering Jae seems to be so interested on him.

The first times the answer is the same one from Jae too: he doesn't swim anymore. And when Dowoon asks him why, the answer is also the same all those first times: he just stopped liking it. He started doing other things instead now, like playing his dad's old guitar.

And then, one day, even if Jae's answers remain the same, Dowoon's changes.

"I saw him today with a girl!" Dowoon chimes up as soon as Jae picks up the phone, "They were swimming together!"

Jae takes a deep breath, "Are you sure it was him?"

"Yes!" Dowoon confirms it once and twice when Jae asks it again, "I promise it was him, hyung! I saw them talking and then they were swimming together. I promise!"

"He wasn't alone," Jae mumbles on the phone.

"He wasn't alone," Dowoon repeats.

Jae doesn't ask Dowoon about Wonpil again after that day, and Dowoon doesn't make any questions about it as he doesn't get an answer from Jae related to the topic since the first times.

"Does it has something to do with the reason you stopped swimming?"

"Younghyun—"

"What? I bet you're curious too about why Jae hyung is scared of going to the beach!"

Sungjin rolls his eyes, "Yes, but i respect his privacy."

"Sure" Younghyun snorts, "And didn't you two go to the restrooms at the same time that night at the club and then came back as if you two had had some sort of fight inside? With your hair and clothes being a mess and everything? What kind of respect of privacy is that, hyung?"

Jae blushes at the comment. Sungjin is blushing too, "I think that's enough."

"I was just pointing a fact!" Younghyun complains. Both Sungjin and Jae throw him a look, "Come on, hyung. If you don't tell us what you are so scared of we won't be able to help you!”

Now it's Jae who rolls his eyes at Younghyun, "I doubt you can do anything to make it better" he scoffs, "Besides, you just want to convince me to take you to Dowoon's house this weekend because you want to see him."

Younghyun's cheeks ting in red. Sungjin laughs from where he's sitting next to Jae.

"Even though seeing Dowoon is quite a big motivation, I'm trying to be a decent friend here" Younghyun shakes his head, "You're already missing our graduation trip because you refuse to go to the beach with our class" he says, "And dowoon also told me that when you go to stay with them you barely spend time at the house since you hate being close to the beach."

Sungjin raises a brow, "Since when do you talk so much with Jae's brother?"

Younghyun is blushing again, "That's not the point!”

Jae chuckles. It's the first time Younghyun is asking directly about it and even if Jae has only told his family about it, he can feel Sungjin's hand holding his and he knows Younghyun is genuinely worried even if it seems like he’s joking, so it's okay to tell them everything since he has them there for him.

Jae can do it if he wants.

"I started having weird dreams around the time my mom married Dowoon's dad" he starts explaining. Both Sungjin and Younghyun fall abruptly quiet, surely because they can’t believe Jae is talking about it, "I was swimming with someone near the part where there're rocks at the beach. you know, where the water is so deep” he gulps, “That person asked me to go to the sea with them and I accepted. At the beginning everything was alright, but then we went too deep until I couldn't see the shore anymore and I couldn't return home even if I wanted to go back so bad” Jae fiddles with his free hand, "The person... They had dark blue hair and a tail, so they weren't scared as me of getting lost because they have lived in the sea their whole life since, you know, they basically belong there. It was their home, but it wasn't mine and I discovered it too late. I shouldn't have followed them, but I did every time. They told me they felt lonely and in my dreams I felt lonely too, so I followed them because it seemed like the right thing to do since I hate so much to be alone" Sungjin holds his hand a little bit tighter and Jae smiles at him, “One day when I visited my mom, we went to the beach and I thought I saw them there. I got so scared that Dowoon's dad had to go and get me from the water because I couldn't move at all. It was like if I froze or something."

"Hyung" Younghyun mumbles. He looks serious, "You don't have to do this. I'm sorry for asking."

Jae shrugs, "It's okay. I want to talk to you about this. I've known you for years and you two mean a lot for me and I trust on you."

Sungjin gives him a reassuring smile. Jae smiles back.

"My parents and I were already visiting a counselor after everything that happened around that time with their divorce and mom's wedding, and he suggested them to take me to a psychologist because I could have experienced an anxiety attack at the beach that day" he continues saying, "I told the psychologist about my dreams and she conclude that it must have been my own way to deal with the stress that came with the separation of my mom and dad" Jae gestures with his free hand trying to find the right words, "Something about it being a representation of it. I don’t remember the correct name. It all happened... what? I was fifteen, so six yeas ago? I don't remember it clearly, but after that I don't like going to the beach because it reminds me of that day" he shrugs, "Mom and Dowoon and Jaewoon are aware of that, so they don't push me either."

Younghyun looks as if he's about to cry, "Hyung, I'm really sorry. I... I shouldn't have kept mentioning it.”

Jae shakes his head, "Don't worry. I never asked you to stop, right? If I didn't tell you, then how would you have known? You can't read my mind or something like that. Besides, it's not as if I still had those dreams" Jae smiles towards his friends, "I kept going with the psychologist until the dreams stop and now I'm better, but i like to maintain my distance from the beach just in case."

Jae does end up inviting Younghyun and Sungjin that weekend to go to the Yoon's house. It's Dowoon's birthday party, after all, and Jae has no problem in spending some hours in the house as soon as he has Sungjin and Younghyun and Dowoon with him.

The beach is ten minutes away from the house, but the smell of salt is always strong inside of it. Jae can perfectly smell the salt in his room when Sungjin and him sneak from the party to go and kiss there. He already got used to it after all those years, so it's easy to ignore it now.

Jae closes his eyes while he and Sungjin kiss. For a second, he doesn't see or feel anything except for Sungjin's lips over his and the smell of salt hovering everywhere while they both fall over the bed in the room.

He's lying over his bed and Sungjin is with him, but then, for some reason, Jae feels the need of opening his eyes and he glances to the crystal wall at his side. The curtain is half opened like he and Dowoon still forget to close it sometimes.

Jae can see the sky because of that.

It's late, already passed nine, so the sky is dark, but not dark enough to be called plainly black. The sky is never only black and it may be hard to notice, but it's right there.

Sungjin kisses Jae again. Jae kisses him back. He stops glancing at the crystal wall.

No, it's not, Jae knows it. It's actually very easy to see that there's also blue in the sky too, even during nights—a dark blue hovering over their heads and painting the sea in the same color.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this super self-indulgent thing that probably doesn't make a lot of sense!  
> this was supposed to be just a short drabble with the first pictures i saw on pinterest because i thought that would be fun to do, but then, it turned into this whole... thing. even though it wasn't what i wanted to write, i admit that it was a whole experience for me as family dynamics are something i truly value while reading and i think that when it comes to writing i don't focus much on them, so this was an interesting experience!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed it too:)
> 
> in case you have any question, you can leave it on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/dowoonbubbles) or my [twitter](https://twitter.com/dowoonbubbles)


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